


What We Deserve

by ThatOneGuy17



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Broken, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychological Torture, Sadism, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:07:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26252392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneGuy17/pseuds/ThatOneGuy17
Summary: After being captured, Clarke, Bellamy, and Octavia are pushed to their physical and psychological limits. Confronted with their sins, they must decide who they are and if they truly deserve to live in this world.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Octavia Blake, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 22
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So since there's not much to do in quarantine for several months, I binge watched a couple of shows, the 100 being one of them. I got really into it, and this idea popped into my head awhile ago.
> 
> Note: Takes place in early season 4, just because I felt that the setting worked best with what I wanted to do.
> 
> Hope you enjoy, let's begin.

Polis

Octavia was sitting in a chair by the marketplace, eavesdropping on any conversations that infer a rebellion against Roan.

Octavia scoffed. "I hate say it, but I have to give Echo credit. It takes a lot of patience to just sit here and listen to..."

Octavia's monologue was interrupted when one of Roan's guards came up to her.

"The king has requested your presence." the guarded informed.

Octavia reluctantly got up from her seat.

"Where do I go?" she asked.

The guard pointed towards an alleyway.

Octavia made her way to the alleyway with the guard in tow, when she got the sense something was about to happen.

She turned around with her sword unsheathed, but before she could accomplish any other action, the guard stuck a needle into her neck.

Octavia hissed as she swung her sword at the guard, grazing his check as he fell to the floor.

Octavia then took a few steps towards the floored guard. But then, her legs began to go numb, and she was unable to stand anymore.

She fell on the ground as every other muscle failed to respond to her requests.

She looked at the guard who got up from the floor, and darkness began to consume her vision.

"Shhh." the guard hushed. "Don't worry. When you wake up, you won't be alone."

Octavia tried to resist the darkness, but to no avail.

Her eyes betrayed her as she let the darkness take her.

Outside Arkadia

Clarke and Bellamy were in the woods, hunting for anything they could bring back.

"I don't know if we'll find much out here." Clarke stated. "Raven said that the radiation would affect the animals before us."

"Even if there's nothing out here, I had to get away from it for awhile." Bellamy replied.

Clarke sighed. "I get it. But we can't let it get to us. We have to make these decisions."

"I already made one, and 300 people died because of it."

"Bellamy..." Clarke then grabbed his arm to have him face her. "You did what you felt was right."

"Would you have done the same?" he asked her. Clarke didn't reply. "That's what I thought."

Bellamy then turned around and continued walking.

"I'm not always right Bellamy." Clarke said to get him to feel better.

"Neither am I." Bellamy said in a regretful tone.

"Bellamy..." Clarke then reached for his shoulder. But before she could grab it, a hand grabbed the side of her head and slammed it into a tree next to her.

Clarke fell to the ground, her hand on the side of her head.

Hearing this, Bellamy immediately turned around to face a dark haired woman in her late teens to early 20s.

Bellamy reactively reached for his gun. But before he accurately aim it at her, she unsheathed her sword and hit the gun out of his hand.

Bellamy then reacted and charged her. He grabbed her by the shoulders, and the two of them smashed into the ground.

Bellamy then put his hands on her throat and began to choke her. But then she pulled out a needle and injected it into his neck.

Bellamy instantly put his hand on the side of his neck, giving her a chance to throw him off of her.

Bellamy tried to get up, but his body refused, and his field of vision depleted as he fell asleep.

Clarke managed to stand herself up. But before she could contemplate her surroundings, an arm wrapped around her neck, placing her in a choke hold.

Clarke tried to fight it, but the figure behind her was much stronger than she was.

"You're the great Wanheda?" a male voice whispered into her ear. "I expected you to be a bit more... intimidating."

Clarke tried to inhale, but so very little air made it's way into her lungs, and she fell under the same spell Bellamy did.

Unknown

"Bellamy?" a female voice cried.

'Clarke?' Bellamy said in his head.

"Bellamy, please wake up." It wasn't Clarke's voice.

"Oc.. Octavia?" Bellamy asked as he opened his eyes.

Bellamy looked in front of him to see Octavia's arms chained as she was hanging from the ceiling.

And to her right, Clarke was in the same predicament.

Bellamy tried to move, but saw that his arms and legs were bound to a chair.

"What's going on?" Bellamy asked.

"Does it look like I know?" Octavia retorted.

"Allow us to shed some light on your situation." the female from earlier said as she approached behind Octavia and Clarke with a male figure.

"Some would call this revenge." the male began. "Others justice. I call it reckoning for your sins."

"Who are you?" Clarke asked.

"My name is Jules." the female introduced herself. "And this is my accomplice, Asher."

"Look," Bellamy began. "if this is about Alie and the City of Light, we didn't start it. We even destroyed..."

Bellamy was interrupted when Asher raised his hand and backhanded Octavia.

"HEY!" Bellamy screamed with rage in his eyes. "Don't you touch her!"

Asher chuckled at Bellamy's threat.

"You're not here because of the City of Light." Asher explained. "You're here because you murdered my sister when she was sent to protect your people."

The rage in Bellamy's eyes then softened into regret at Asher's explanation.

"Ok, I get it." Bellamy said. "You want revenge, or justice, or whatever the hell you want to call it. I get it. But let them go. They're innocent."

"Really?" Asher asked rhetorically. "They're innocent? Your sister murdered the leader of the slaughter your people committed, denying me peace. And Wanheda over there murdered 300 people, including Jules' father."

Clarke then looked at the two with confusion, followed shortly by realization.

"You mean the dropship?" she asked.

Jules then walked over the Clarke, knife in hand.

"I have waited for this for months." she said as she brought the knife close to Clarke. "Studying you. Learning about you. And now, all my patience is about to pay off."

Jules dug the knife into Clarke's shirt, but not her skin. And in one quick motion, Jules sliced the shirt in half, causing both pieces to fall to the floor, leaving Clarke's top half completely exposed, other than the bra she was wearing.

"What are you doing?" Bellamy asked with worry clouding his face.

"You'll find out in a moment." Asher replied as he grabbed Octavia's shirt and split it in half with his bare hands, leaving the girl exactly as exposed as Clarke.

"What about him?" Jules asked.

Asher shrugged. "Just in case."

Jules then walked up to Bellamy and sliced his shirt in half, leaving his bare chest completely exposed.

"What is the point of this?" Octavia asked, staring down Asher.

Asher smiled as he pulled out something from the back of his pants. When the trio got a look at what he had, they got the general idea.

"Is that an electric baton?" Clarke asked. "How the hell did you get that?"

"You'd be surprised how careless your people can be with your resources." Asher replied.

"So that's it?" Bellamy asked unimpressed. "Torture? I get why you want to do it. But I hoped you'd at least be a bit more original."

Jules chuckled. "Well, me and Asher may be doing the torture directly. But we won't choose who suffers, that honor belongs to you."

The trio faces then evolved into a mixture of confusion and horror at that statement.

"I choose me." Bellamy said without hesitation.

"Bellamy..." Octavia pleaded.

"Don't!" Clarke yelled.

"Unfortunately, you're not on the chopping block Bellamy." Asher said. "No, you have to choose between Clarke and Octavia."

Bellamy shook his head.

"No." he said defiantly.

"If you don't choose, we'll torture both of them."

Bellamy then shook his head again. But this time, he had to close his eyes in order to stop the tears that threatened to stream down.

"Please... don't do this." Bellamy begged.

"Last chance Bellamy." Jules said. "Who's it going to be?"

Bellamy still had his eyes closed shut, shaking his head.

"I... I... I don't..." he was completely speechless.

Tired of waiting, Asher lowered the baton to Octavia's stomach and had it make contact with her flesh.

Octavia screamed, eyes as open as they could be, mouth forming a near perfect O, and terror throughout her face.

Hearing this, Bellamy's eyes immediately opened, causing several tears to fall down his cheeks.

"STOP! PLEASE!" Bellamy yelled.

After about 15 seconds, Asher removed the baton from Octavia's skin. Giving the girl a moment to catch her breath.

"Was it really that bad?" Asher asked in a taunting tone.

"Screw... you..." Octavia replied with a death stare.

Asher frowned at Octavia's reply. And in response, he brought the baton back on top of her stomach. Octavia then resumed her screams and cries of agony.

"Next time, be a little more humble bitch." Asher said on a level that was barely above a whisper.

Seeing this, Bellamy jerked around in his chair, trying to free himself. But no luck, the rope was too tight and the chair planted firmly on the ground.

After about 30 seconds this time, Asher withdrew the baton from Octavia, leaving the skin of her stomach as red as the sun.

"I hope you learned your lesson." Asher said.

Octavia's head fell in front of her, completely motionless. She was still awake, but her energy and will were depleted.

Seeing how damaged Octavia was at the moment, Asher then made his way to Clarke.

"Don't." Bellamy begged, eyes red and tears still streaming down his face. "Please... don't."

"If you really loved her, you could have spared her from this pain by choosing Octavia." Asher stated as he sadistically smiled at Bellamy.

"When I get out of this, I'm going to kill you." Clarke stated.

"When you get out of this, the only person you'll want dead is yourself." Asher replied.

And in that moment, pain was sent to damn near every nerve in Clarke's body.

Screams exited her mouth and tears fell from her eyes as pain entered her from the pit of her stomach, to the rest of her body.

Asher wasn't as gentle with her as he was with Octavia. He was smiling, he had a firm and powerful grip on the baton against her stomach, and at least a minute elapsed since he started.

"STOP! YOU'RE KILLING HER!" Bellamy yelled at a pitch that could pierce ears.

"No, you are." Asher responded.

70 seconds.

80 seconds.

90 seconds.

100 seconds.

That's how long Clarke lasted before everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

"Clarke?"

It was like being woken from a deep sleep. You're not entirely awake, but you're aware of what happened and where you are. That's what Clarke was feeling right now.

"Clarke?"

It hurt. It hurt to move. It hurt to breath. It hurt to just exist.

"Clarke? Please?"

She tried to open her eyes, but the second she did, the blinding light then entered her retinas just made her want to vomit.

"I'm so sorry."

That was Bellamy's voice.

She tried to say his name, but the moment she opened her mouth, a tightness in her chest erupted.

"Clarke, please be okay."

And then the darkness consumed her again.

Wet. And cold. So very cold. That was the feeling that washed over Clarke, quite literally.

She immediately woke up, head up high, eyes wide open, breathing rapidly, and soaked in cold ice water.

She looked in front of her to see Jules holding a now empty bucket as the girl smiled at Clarke's misery.

"Good, you're awake." Jules said to Clarke. "We can continue now."

"What..." Clarke, unable to speak as she was catching her breath. "what's happening?"

"What do you think?" Octavia asked rhetorically as she turned her head towards Clarke. "They're going to continue torturing us until they get bored."

"Or until you're all broken beyond repair." Asher stated as he entered the center of the trio. "Let's see what comes first."

Asher then pulls out a whip, receiving looks of worry from them.

"Time to choose Bellamy. Octavia or Clarke?"

Bellamy shook his head as tears threatened to escape.

"Please don't do this." he begged to no avail.

Asher began to walk behind Octavia, until Bellamy got an idea in his head.

"I remember your sister." he said, getting Asher's attention. "I remember when we entered the camp, all of them sleeping. And as we opened fire, I saw the fear in her eyes. She got hit in the leg, but she didn't die immediately. No, that's when I walked towards her and aimed the gun at her head."

Asher then walked back towards Bellamy, visibly angry as his grip on the whip tightened.

'What is he doing?' Clarke thought to herself. 'He's going to get himself killed.'

"And right before I pulled the trigger, she screamed. Like a bitch!"

That's when Asher raised the whip and brought the end down right on Bellamy's bare chest.

He screamed as the whip cut into his flesh and blood pooled out of the newly formed wound.

Octavia and Clarke couldn't watch as they turned their heads away and shut their eyes.

Asher then lifted the whip in the air again and was about to bring it down onto Bellamy a second time, when Jules grabbed his arm before the whip could make contact.

"This is what he wants." she whispered to Asher. "He wants you to focus your rage on him rather than his sister and friend."

Asher released a single sigh. "You're right. I allowed the boy to manipulate me for but a moment."

"Be careful. He's crafty. They're all are." Jules warned.

Asher nodded as he went back behind Octavia.

"Since you apparently heard my sister scream like a bitch, it's only fair you hear yours."

Bellamy turned his head and looked away. He couldn't bear watching this.

Asher lifted the whip and then brought it down on Octavia's back.

Octavia hissed and formed fists as the end cut into her skin.

"You're gonna have to do better than that." Octavia stated defiantly.

"Then let's find out how much you can take."

Asher then whipped her again. And again. And again. And again. And again. He kept going until he was tired.

And when he finally stopped, Octavia's back was littered with cuts, as the blood free fell from her back.

But not once did she scream or beg him to stop.

"I'm... not... impressed." Octavia stated trying to catch her breath.

But she was taken by surprise when Asher's fist collided with the many cuts on her back. It felt like someone applied fire under her skin.

Her eyes widened and a scream escaped her lips.

Asher smiled at the agony, but that scream set Bellamy off.

He turned his head, eyes still red from tears, but full of rage as he stared down Asher.

"When I get out of this, I'm going to take the whip and strangle you with it." Bellamy threatened in a low tone.

Asher chuckled at Bellamy as he retracted his hand from Octavia's back.

"Let's just hope these two don't die before that happens." Asher taunted.

He then made his behind Clarke with the whip in hand.

"No. No... don't." Bellamy continued to beg.

"Don't worry Bellamy." Jules said as she came back into his view. "Asher's not going to hurt her. I wanted that privilege for myself."

Asher then handed Jules the whip and stepped back as she prepared to whip Clarke.

"I'm sorry about your father." Clarke apologized.

"You're going to be very soon." Jules replied.

She then whipped Clarke's back.

The blonde couldn't help but let out a whimper as the end collided with her flesh. But when it made contact again, the whimper evolved into a scream.

Several minutes went by, and Clarke's back was infested with cuts nearly identical to Octavia's. But Jules didn't seem like she was done yet.

"Do it to me." Bellamy offered. "Torture me. Just... don't hurt her." Tears fell from his eyes as he offered his own agony just to spare Clarke from any more.

"Well that wouldn't be much fun, would it?" Asher responded. But he saw that Clarke was nearing a breaking point, and approached Jules.

"I think it's time to call it for now." he whispered into her ear.

"No. Not yet." she replied.

"We're not going to get much more out of them now, it's time to move on." But Jules still had a look of determination in her eyes. "Don't allow your emotions to cloud your judgement either." Asher said, paraphrasing her earlier statement.

A look of disappointment fell on Jules.

"Very well." She lowered the whip and the two left their eyesight.

"Are you two alright?" Bellamy asked like he could hardly breath.

"Peachy." Octavia replied sarcastically. "You know, I wouldn't even be in this mess if it wasn't for you."

"Octavia!" Clarke scolded.

"Someone has to say it. He killed Asher's sister."

"And you killed Pike." Clarke countered. "If he were still alive, maybe Asher would've kidnapped him instead."

"Clarke..." Bellamy said, trying to defuse the argument.

"No, Bellamy. You may be ok with her beating you down, but I'm not."

"Pike deserved what he got." Octavia stated proudly.

"Maybe. But you didn't do it for the sleeping army, or even for Lincoln. You did it for yourself." Clarke said as she sent a look of disappointment at Octavia.

Octavia scoffed. "Don't you dare judge me. You've gotten people killed for less."

Clarke's face then softened. "Maybe. But my point is that none of us are here just because of one person. We're all responsible."

"Some more than others." Octavia said coldly.

"Enough!" Bellamy yelled, interrupting the argument between the two. "This is what they want. Us turning against one another. Just like what Alie wanted."

"Actually, I think they just want to torture us to feed their sadism." Octavia replied. "But hey, believe whatever you wanna believe big brother."

Elsewhere

"No." Asher answered without a second thought.

"We had a deal." Jules stated.

"Our deal was that you could have Clarke after I've broken Bellamy. And until he chooses Clarke or his sister, he isn't broken."

"Bellamy's too stubborn to do that now. But after he see's Clarke Griffin broken beyond repair, he may be a bit more vulnerable to you." Jules pointed out.

Asher scoffed. "Many people have tried to break that girl and fail. What makes you think you'll be the exception?"

"Because I know exactly where to apply pressure." Jules responded.

Asher shook his head, still unsure.

"Think about it. With her gone, Bellamy will be torn between worrying what happened to her and making sure his sister doesn't die. And when Clarke finally returns to him, he'll wish we had killed her. If that isn't agonizing, nothing is." Jules said, trying to sell Asher on the idea.

Asher then made eye contact with Jules. "You promise not to kill her?"

Jules smiled. "That was never my intention."

Asher sighed. "On one condition, I get one more round."

Back with the trio, Octavia was attempting to break out of her chains by pulling them down from the ceiling.

"Don't O." Bellamy said. "You're just going to hurt yourself."

"It's better than doing nothing." Octavia replied as she tried to climb the chains.

But she barely made it a few inches before her fatigue got to her. She let go and fell limp, still hanging from the ceiling.

The three heard footsteps coming and saw Asher carrying a large bucket of water.

"What are you doing now?" Bellamy asked, concerned for Clarke and Octavia.

Asher then put the bucket down in front of the three and said. "Now, you have to choose someone to hold their breath longer than 100 seconds."

"I choose me." Bellamy said again.

Asher then raised his hand and backhanded Bellamy in the face.

"Hey!" Clarke yelled.

Asher then turned his head to Clarke. "He needs to learn what he has control over, and what he does not." Asher then focused his vision back on Bellamy. "Last chance. Clarke or Octavia?"

Bellamy just stared at the floor. He couldn't choose between them. Maybe he just wasn't strong enough to decide.

Impatient, Asher went to Octavia and unchained her arms from the ceiling. She fell to the floor, her hands still bound in shackles to one another, but at least she wasn't hanging.

She wanted to fight back, but she could feel it. She didn't have the energy to resist him. Maybe if she didn't try to escape...

Her thoughts were put to an end when Asher grabbed the back of her throat and brought her to the bucket.

"Please. You could kill her." Bellamy cried.

"Then you should've chosen Wanheda over there." Asher responded.

He then ducked Octavia's head under the water.

Octavia thrashed around, trying to escape his hold, or at least the water. But to no avail.

"100, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95." Asher began counting down the seconds, and Bellamy hated that.

He wanted to look away from this horror, of his sister drowning. But he couldn't. It felt almost as if it were abandoning her if he did.

"...5, 4, 3, 2, 1." Asher then lifted Octavia's head from the water.

With her eyes wide open, she took in a huge breath of fresh air.

And a new found sense of strength blessed Octavia.

She elbowed Asher in the stomach, and tried to run in any direction. But she barely took two steps before Asher grabbed her by the hair, and threw her to the ground. She looked towards Asher, who sent a brutal punch to her cheek.

"Leave her alone!" Bellamy screamed.

"Then she should've been smarter." Asher yelled right back.

He then looked at Octavia, hands formed into fists, ready to hurt her. But he knew he had to move onto Clarke now. This was something he'd save for later.

Asher then grabbed Octavia by her hair again and dragged her back to her chains that were dangling from the ceiling.

Once he was sure her shackles were firmly attached to the chains, he moved onto Clarke.

As he was undoing Clarke's chains, she spoke. "This won't bring back your sister. And it won't make you feel any better."

Asher then gave Clarke a death stare. "I don't want to feel better. I just want to shatter him."

Once the chains were undone, Asher wasted no time in bringing Clarke to the bucket of water.

Grabbing the back of her neck, he plunged her into the water.

"100, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95." Asher as he was counting down the seconds out loud.

Bellamy's lips puckered and he found it agonizing to watch Clarke suffer like this. At least Octavia tried to resist. It seemed almost as if Clarke had given up.

"...24, 23, 22, 21..." That's when Clarke stopped moving.

Bellamy's heart sank to the floor as he watched Clarke's body go limp.

"No." was all the escape his lips.

Seeing this, Asher ended the water torture early, and lifted Clarke's head out of the water.

Her eyes were closed and she wasn't breathing.

Asher let go of Clarke's body as she fell backwards onto the hard floor.

"Clarke... please don't die." Bellamy begged as tears fell from his eyes. "I need you."

Clarke then turned to her side and coughed up water as she deeply inhaled oxygen.

The relief that washed over Bellamy was indescribable, he couldn't help but show a small smile.

"Clarke." Bellamy said, for the first time since being captured, hopeful.

Clarke looked at Bellamy, eyes still adjusting from being underwater.

"Bellam…" her sentence ended when Asher kicked her in the head, sending her back into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it just keeps on going. 
> 
> Got any prediction for what their about to endure next?
> 
> If so, please leave a review, fav, follow, and I'll see you in the next chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

**So when I began this story, I was kind of on the fence on whether or not to make it a Bellarke thing. But I got some ideas in my head that would work really well with the story, so I will be adding it to the story. Although I will say, this chapter isn't exactly the most romantic.**

**I still hope you enjoy the story and let's begin.**

"Bellam…" her sentence ended when Asher kicked her in the head, sending her back into the darkness.

"HEY!" Bellamy yelled as his smile and relief disappeared.

Asher then turned his head towards Bellamy. "If you're going to threaten me, know that you're not exactly intimating from your current position."

Asher then grabbed Clarke's hair and began dragging her unconscious body away.

"Where are you taking her?" Bellamy asked with worry in his voice.

"I made a promise to someone, I'm just keeping it." Asher vaguely answered.

"No! Leave her alone!" Bellamy screamed, but Asher did not listen to him.

_Later_

Clarke woke up to something lightly touching her back. Normally it wouldn't do much for her, but her back was still scarred from the whip wounds from earlier.

If felt like fire on her skin, the sensation of anything touching those wounds. She couldn't help but open her eyes, let out a scream, and jerk herself up from the floor.

She looked around to see Bellamy and Octavia were gone.

Her arms were still chained. But this time, she wasn't hanging from the ceiling. She was instead chained to the floor, unable to move more than five feet from the center.

"It's good to see you again Clarke." a familiar voice said.

Clarke turned around to see Jules smiling at her as she held a bow in her hand.

"Where are Bellamy and Octavia?" Clarke immediately asked.

"Don't worry, they're alright. Or at least not dead."

"Where are we?" was Clarke's next question.

"Somewhere that we won't be disturbed. Somewhere that we can doing some sort of... inner exploration."

"What are you talking about?"

Jules puckered her lips. "I want you to tell me why you killed my father."

Clarke was a bit confused, but also worried that if she said the wrong thing, Jules would lose it.

"It wasn't anything personal. He was one of many people who would have killed me and my friends if I didn't..."

Her explanation was interrupted when Jules launched an arrow just above Clarke's ankle.

Clarke let out yet another scream as she fell to the floor, grasping her injured leg.

"Liar." was all that left Jules' lips.

"I'm sorry... but it's the truth..." Clarke said in between her groans.

"No. It's just a lie you've told everyone including yourself."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Jules then walked behind Clarke, and smacked her back with her bow.

Not only was there a lot of power in that bow, but the combination of the unhealed whip cuts didn't make it easier.

Clarke cried in agony, just because the amount of times she has screamed in the past day have caused her throat to be sore.

"Tell me why you did it." Jules demanded.

"I... did... it... for... my... people..." Clarke struggled to say.

Jules then went by Clarke's ankle, ripped out the arrow, causing Clarke to let out a groan of anguish, and brought the arrow to Clarke's back.

Jules then stuck the arrow into one of Clarke's whip wounds, and started moving the arrowhead around in the wound.

The agony Clarke felt was indescribable. Her eyes open as they could be, endless cries and screams escaping her mouth, and fire like pain under her skin.

Jules the removed the arrow from Clarke's wound

"Why?" Jules asked once again.

Tears fell from Clarke, she couldn't take it anymore.

"I don't know what you want me to say." she said through her sobs.

Jules then stood up and went in front of Clarke's face.

"Tell me the truth. Because until you do, everyone you love is at play. Hell, I might even bring Bellamy's head in here soon."

"No. Please... don't... do... that..." Clarke was begging through her sobs, still very much out of breath.

"All you have to do is tell me why you killed everyone you have."

Clarke didn't know what Jules wanted, so she just lowered her head to the floor and continued to sob.

"Fine." Jules said, accepting defeat. "But when Bellamy dies, know that you're just as responsible for his death as well as everyone else who has died because of you."

Jules then left the room, leaving Clarke scared for what she might do to Bellamy and to her.

_Elsewhere_

Bellamy and Octavia were still in the same room, but neither one of them has spoken since Asher took Clarke.

"Do you think she's alright?" Bellamy asked, breaking the silence.

"Alive, yes. Alright, that's a little more subjective." Octavia voice her opinion.

"O. I'm so sorry about this." Bellamy apologized.

"Too bad you can't go back in time to stop yourself from wiping out that army and killing Asher's sister."

"If I could, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I would have never done it if I knew it would have lead to something like this."

Octavia scoffed. "You say that like you don't want to see me hurt."

"Of course I don't." Bellamy replied, honestly a bit offended. "God O., you know I would never want that."

"But it seems like your unable to sacrifice Clarke's well being to prevent that." Octavia pointed out.

Bellamy then stared at the floor and a few tears exited his eyes.

"I... I can't choose. I wish I could if only to spare one of you, but I can't O." Bellamy answered honestly.

"Why not?" Octavia asked. "Why is it so hard for you to choose between the sister you've loved most of your life, and the girl you meet maybe six months ago?"

Bellamy didn't raise his head or answer immediately. He needed a moment to figure it out himself.

"What if it was me and Lincoln, would it be easy for you to choose?" Bellamy asked.

Octavia scoffed. "You're in love with her, aren't you?"

Bellamy didn't know the answer to that. He cared about her, of course he knew that. And he loved her in some way. But in love with her?

"I don't know." Bellamy spoke softly. "All I know is that I don't want to live a life without either of you."

Octavia couldn't help the tears that escaped her right eye.

"I just hope we survive this." Octavia stated.

_Later_

Clarke was left alone for hours, wondering if Jules was going to make good on her threat and kill Bellamy.

But her thoughts and wonders were stopped when Jules entered the room alone. She stood just a few feet away from Clarke.

Clarke was tempted to rush her and kill her in an attempt to escape. But she knew the chain wouldn't be long enough to reach Jules.

"Have you ever wondered what would have happened if you never came to the ground?" Jules asked. "Do you think it would have been better for everyone if Bellamy had let you die? Wells Jaha would still be alive."

The moment she said that, Clarke looked Jules in the eye, anger starting to boil.

"So would Finn Collins. So would Lexa. But why is it that just because you were apart of their lives, that they died?"

"Go float yourself." Clarke said with anger in her eyes.

"I just want you to think about it Clarke. When you found out Wells didn't get your father killed, you at least began to love him again. Then not one hour later, Charlotte kills him. Finn died because he became a psychopath in order to find you because he fell in love with you, and vice versa. Lexa died because she loved you as you loved her, clouding her judgement to the point where her flamekeeper had to step in, ultimately killing her."

"Now you're going to tell me love is weakness." Clarke concluded.

"Love isn't weakness. Your love is just poison. Every time you love someone, sooner or later, they suffer for your sins."

Clarke stood up on her feet and looked Jules directly in the eyes.

"Whatever sins I have committed, I did for my people."

"Wrong Clarke. The sins that stain your soul aren't there because of what you did, but rather why you did them."

"What are you talking about?" Clarke asked, getting annoyed.

"Look inside yourself and find the answer Clarke." Jules said.

"You want me to say I did it just so I could survive?" Clarke asked.

"No." Jules then sighed. "I can see we're going around in circles, so allow me to help push you in the right direction."

"And if I don't go in the 'right direction?'" Clarke asked.

"Then I come back here with Bellamy's dead body." Jules responded, getting a look of worry from Clarke. "You killed my father along with 299 people because they were going to kill you along with your friends. But that's not really why you did it. You wiped out the mountain men because they were going to kill your people. But that's not the real reason behind it. You see, survival was an excuse. This whole, 'I care about my people' thing is a lie. The idea that you're Skaikru's savior is just a façade."

"That's not true." Clarke stated. "I care about my people."

"Yet, you were willing to let a bomb drop on a good number of them back at Tondc." Jules pointed out. "They're all expendable to you. And if you love any of them, they either suffer or they die because of why you kill people."

"Then why do I kill people?!" Clarke yelled. "Tell me!"

"No Clarke. You tell me."

Clarke took a step back, tears welling in her eyes.

"I don't know." she said.

"Yes you do." Jules said as she approached Clarke. "I want you to look back at every death you've caused and think, 'why did I do it?'"

Clarke obeyed, thinking about every death. Atom. The 300 grounders. Finn. Tondc. Mount Weather. Carl Emerson. And then something occurred to her. A feeling she that occurred every time. Maybe this was it. Maybe Jules was right.

"Clarke. Tell me why did you do it?" Jules asked.

"Because I liked it." Clarke answered in a single breath.

Jules couldn't help but show a small smile. "What?"

"I like killing people." Clarke said. It felt like a dam just broke. It was all pouring out and she couldn't stop it. "I liked how it felt. I liked how it made me feel strong and in control. It felt good." Tears were actually falling down Clarke's cheeks as she said this, but she continued. "It was like a drug for me, and I couldn't stop."

Jules' small smile then completely covered her face.

Clarke on the other hand couldn't even stand. She fell to her knees, tears falling like rain drops.

Everything she did, everyone she's killed, it was all a lie.

"How do you feel?" Jules' asked.

"Broken." Clarke answered.

**Yep. I did it. Hate me if you want, but I had to do something like this.**

**Anyway, I hope you don't hate me or the story, and that you review, fav, follow and I'll see you in the next chapter.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Time for another chapter. This one I was on the fence just because it does get really dark, but the ending will make up for it I'm sure.**

**Trigger warning for sexual assault in this one.**

**Let's begin.**

Bellamy, still tied to the chair, feeling so many emotions right now. He just sat there, staring at the ground and wondering what was happening to Clarke.

The not knowing was what was most terrifying to him.

But his suspense came to an end when he saw Asher entering the room as he was grabbing Clarke's arm and bringing her back to the chains on the ceiling.

A small bit of relief came to Bellamy, Clarke was alive. But something else bothered him.

Clarke wouldn't make eye contact with anyone as she just kept her head down, starring at the floor.

Asher began chaining Clarke to the ceiling when Bellamy asked. "What did you do to her?"

Asher smiled. "That's something you'll have to ask Jules."

When Asher was done, he left the room.

"Clarke, are you ok?" Bellamy wasted no time in asking.

But Clarke did not respond, as she just kept staring at the floor.

Bellamy wouldn't take his eyes off of her, examining each detail to try and understand what happened to her.

He saw the dried blood on her back and sides, but they were likely from the whip wounds. He also saw the dried tears on her face.

"Clarke, please talk to me." Bellamy begged.

Octavia turned her head to see Clarke, and was actually a bit frightened. It was scary to imagine what could have happened to make her this way.

"Listen, if you need to talk about this, we're here." Octavia said, trying to comfort Clarke as best she could.

"I'm sorry." was all that escaped Clarke's lips.

Bellamy and Octavia were stunned that 'I'm sorry' was Clarke's first words since being back.

"Sorry about what?" Octavia asked.

"I'm sorry you almost died at Tondc." Clarke responded, getting even more shocked expressions from the Blakes. "I'm sorry about leaving you to die when I closed the Ark ship doors."

"Clarke," Bellamy began. "I told you, you don't have to feel bad about it. It was the right call, and you did it to save our friends."

Clarke shut her eyes after that response. She didn't do it to save their friends, she did it because she liked it.

"Clarke, why are you saying these things?" Bellamy asked.

"Because I hate me." Clarke immediately replied.

Bellamy felt as if his heart skipped a beat.

"What?" Bellamy asked, completely stunned and ambushed. "Wh... why? Why do you hate yourself?"

Clarke wasn't ready to tell him, not yet.

"It doesn't matter." she said.

"It matters to me!" Bellamy said without hesitation.

"What matters is protecting Octavia, Bellamy." Clarke stated.

"What are you talking about?" Bellamy asked, a bit worried.

"When Asher comes back to torture us, just choose me." Clarke replied.

"No. No way." Bellamy refused.

"If you don't they'll torture me anyway, along with Octavia." Clarke pointed out. "This is about making a decision with your head instead of your heart."

"Even if I agreed with you, I can't." Bellamy confessed. "I'm not strong enough."

"Yes you are." Clarke stated. "You're not just strong Bellamy, you're better than me. I deserve to suffer whatever punishment Asher sends at us, but Octavia doesn't."

"I can't. I won't do it." Bellamy said.

"Your sister, your responsibility." Clarke said, in order to get him to choose Octavia.

"But she's not my only responsibility, you are too." Bellamy stated.

"I'm not worth it." Clarke responded.

Hours went by, and Clarke still refused to tell Bellamy and Octavia was she told Jules.

"I'm not going to do it." Bellamy stated defiantly.

Maybe she should, at least then, Bellamy might save Octavia from whatever else Asher has planning.

"Bellamy, Octavia," Clarke began. "there's something you should know about me." This was terrifying for her, but it was the only way this could end. "I didn't..."

Clarke's confession was interrupted when Asher and two men they didn't recognize entered the room.

Asher stood in front of Bellamy, while each of the two unknown men stood behind Clarke and Octavia as they undid the chains, and the two girls sank to the floor on their knees.

"Allow me to make introductions." Asher said. "This one is Ten." he said as he pointed to the man behind Octavia. "And this one is DJ." pointing to the one behind Clarke.

"Whatever this is, I'm not choosing." Bellamy stated from the get go.

"Oh, I don't think you'll want to abstain from this one." Asher said. "Because now Bellamy, you have to choose who gets raped. Octavia or Clarke."

Bellamy felt as if his heart stopped and all the breath in his lungs was just punched out of him.

Octavia kept a strong face, but in truth, she was terrified about what was about to happen.

Clarke didn't show any changes, as she just kept the broken look. But she was scared. She didn't want to be violated like this, even if she did deserve it.

"Please, don't do this." Bellamy pleaded.

"Considering how much begging has gotten you so far, why do you think it will work now?" Asher asked.

"Because I'm begging the part of you that's human. That part of you that loves your sister. I know you hate me, and you have every right to. But Octavia and Clarke had nothing to do with what happened, they're innocent. I'm not asking for forgiveness, just that you let them go. Beat me, torture me, kill me, I don't care, just don't punish them for my mistakes."

Bellamy mustered every bit of strength to manage that, fighting off tears that nearly broke through.

Asher stood there for several seconds, contemplating on what happened and what he was going to do next.

As he made his decision, he turned his head to Ten and DJ and said.

"Take off their pants."

"NO!" Bellamy screamed out of pure fury as he tried to break free from his restraints, but to no avail.

Octavia brought her hands that were chained together, and hit Ten right in the stomach before he could do anything. She was about to hit him over the head, but Ten reacted quickly. Quickly enough to send a punch directly into Octavia's stomach. Octavia couldn't keep up her stance, and fell to the ground. Before she could get up, Ten grabbed her hands that were chained together, forcefully put them over her head, and with his other hand, began to undo her pants.

Clarke on the other hand planned to run rather than fight. The moment she heard Asher's orders, she stood up and took a single step before DJ grabbed her hair and threw her back to the ground. As her unhealed back came into contact with the ground, she felt as if all her strength vanished in that moment. She felt weak, dizzy, and unable to stop DJ's from forcing himself on her.

Hearing Octavia and Clarke scream like this felt like bullets entering his chest, it was unbearable.

"Bellamy," Asher said, getting the boy's attention. "You have until both of them are pants less to choose one of them."

"No." Bellamy answered.

"Then get ready to watch." Asher said smiling as he walked behind Bellamy.

The horror that was in front of Bellamy made him feel like he was in hell.

Octavia's pants were completely off, as she tried to push Ten away from her. But he was a lot larger and stronger than her, not to mention the fact that her hands were tied to each other. Ten was on top of the crying Octavia as he had one hand on her breast as he tried to remove her bra. The second hand was under her underwear, as he was squirming his hand between her legs.

Clarke was in a similar situation, however her attacker was more aggressive than Octavia's. After DJ took off her pants, he placed one hand around Clarke's throat, and used the other one or completely tear off her underwear. Clarke tried to push him off as well, but to no avail.

"SHHHH. It's ok." DJ shushed as he wiped away Clarke's tears with his thumb. "Don't fight it, and it will be over soon."

DJ then started unbuckling his pants.

Bellamy hated to, but he looked away. He couldn't bear watching Clarke and Octavia raped in front of him.

But then, Asher hit Bellamy behind the head.

"You don't get to just ignore this, Bellamy." Asher said.

Massive tears fell when Bellamy opened his eyes to see his sister crying as a man had his hand between her legs, and Clarke who was completely naked aside from her bra.

At that moment, Bellamy knew words and reasoning weren't going to work.

The sadness, the horror, it all melted from Bellamy's face as it was replaced with anger, rage, and fire.

"Let them go." Bellamy said in a terrifying tone.

"Or what?" Asher asked right in Bellamy's ear.

Bellamy then jerked his head back, hitting Asher in the nose. He could hear the man take a few steps back, and tried to free his hands.

But his efforts failed, when Asher walked in front of him and sent a punch to the side of his face.

Bellamy then repositioned his head, blood slowly exiting his bottom lip, and looked Asher straight in the eyes.

"Nice try Bel." Asher then wrapped his hand around Bellamy's throat and pushed him back into the chair.

The two men were inches from each other's faces, but Asher had the advantage with his hand around Bellamy's neck.

"What are you going to do now?" Asher asked, receiving a blank death stare from Bellamy.

Smiling, Asher released his grip from Bellamy's neck.

"That what I thoug…" Asher began, but was caught off guard when Bellamy's head lunged at his throat. Bellamy's teeth were digging into his throat as Asher cried out in agony. And in one swift move, Bellamy pulled his head back, tearing away Asher's jugular.

Bellamy then turned to his side and spit out the flesh in his mouth, soaked in blood.

Asher on the other hand tried to stop the bleeding with his hands, but quickly fell to the floor dead.

Ten and DJ were shocked, stunned, completely awestricken as the two stood in their positions, completely devoid of movement.

This gave Octavia and Clarke an opportunity.

Octavia wrapped her tied hands on Ten's head, and pocked his eyes with her thumbs. Blood exited from the eye sockets rapidly as Ten screamed in agony. But within moments, Ten was dead. Octavia threw his body to the side, as she started looking for a set of keys on him.

Clarke managed to strike DJ when he was stupefied, and the older man fell to his side. He tried to get up, but Clarke already managed to wrap the chains that tied her hands around his neck, and began to strangle him. She continued for a while, until something entered her mind.

'I like killing people.'

Her confession echoed in her head, as she stopped strangling DJ. This gave the man an opportunity to attack Clarke, as he sent a punch to her stomach. Clarke backed up, due to the pain exploding in her gut. And in one swift move, the tables turned when DJ got behind Clarke, and put her into a choke hold.

"Let her go!" Bellamy ordered, still tied to the chair.

"No." DJ stated as he held onto Clarke. "If you do anything, I'll break her neck."

Before anything else could happen, a gunshot echoed in the room, and DJ fell to the floor dead as a bullet entered the side of his head.

"You deserved worse." Octavia stated as she put away the gun.

The first thing Octavia went to was her pants, and she put them back on her in a hurry.

Clarke on the other hand was wondering what happened. She knew what happened, but she also thought that this might have been the universe's way of punishing her. Maybe she did deserve it. Maybe she did deserved to get raped and murdered. But she made no moves at all.

Once Octavia had her pants back on, she immediately went to Bellamy, as she pulled out a knife and undid the binds on his legs and hands.

The moment Bellamy was free, he stood up, put his hands on each side of Octavia's face and asked.

"Are you ok?"

Tears fell from her eyes. "I've been better."

Bellamy then wrapped his hands around his sister and squeezed the life out of her.

"I'm so sorry." he whispered in her ear. "I love you so much."

For the first time in a while, it felt good to be in her brother's arms. She wasn't worried about getting tortured, raped, or killed. She felt at home.

Bellamy continued to embrace Octavia, but his vision was torn when he saw Clarke just standing there looking at the floor. She made no move to come near them or even put her clothes back on.

"Clarke." Bellamy said. When he got her attention, he opened up one of his arms to allow her into the hug.

Clarke didn't want to enter and risk infecting them like she has so many before. But she knew Bellamy would never leave, at least not yet.

She made her way to her pants and put them on before entering the Blake hug.

"You're ok. You're going to be ok." Bellamy whispered in Clarke's ear to try and comfort her.

He could feel how distant Clarke was, and that bothered him to his very core.

Octavia broke free from the hug.

"I think maybe we should go." Octavia proposed.

"Right." Clarke agreed as she separated from Bellamy's arms and walked to the exit.

Bellamy should feel better now, but he doesn't. Clarke was still hurting, and he can't do anything about it.

**My goal for you, being the reader, was to essentially have you on the edge of you seat as you yelled at your screen saying stuff like, "If Clarke and Octavia get raped, I'm done!" I really just wanted to keep you guys in suspense this chapter. I know some of you wanted to see Bellamy's reaction to Clarke, but you probably didn't get everything you wanted considering that Bellamy still doesn't know what Clarke confessed to. Don't worry, that will be covered in the next chapter.**

**Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you all in the next one.**

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, talk about intense. Been a while since I got the stakes up that high at the first chapter. 
> 
> Anyone, if you have any predications, prompts, compliments, criticisms, or anything in general, please review, fav, follow, and I'll see you in the next chapter.


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